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Scott Huiras: Imagine if Trump could save the unicorns

Scott Huiras: Imagine if Trump could save the unicorns

Scott Huiras


Given all we’ve seen from our president and the way the world responds to his antics, imagine the following timeline of events:

Nov. 29: President Donald Trump tweets “Unicorns Are Real!” #SaveTheUnicorns.

Dec. 1: President Trump retweets a picture of a unicorn in a forest (source: QAnon).

Dec. 3: A Paparazzi photographs Jared and Ivanka Trump wearing matching unicorn T-shirts ($175 at

Dec. 4: President Trump appoints Dr. Scott Atlas as the head of the Unicorn Task Force, noting that Dr. Atlas audited an animal husbandry course while at Stanford.

Dec. 5: Fox and Friends spends the morning heaping scorn on “unicorn deniers.”

Dec. 6: When asked by reporters about the president’s belief in unicorns, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., replies: “I haven’t seen any evidence that they don’t exist.”

Dec. 8: President Trump retweets a photo of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., stabbing a unicorn in the heart with a knife.

Dec. 9: BREAKING NEWS! CNN’s Anderson Cooper expresses outrage over the president’s unicorn claims. Anchor Wolf Blitzer promises 24/7 coverage of the unicorn scandal.

Dec. 11: Citizens bearing AK-47s gather in front of zoos in Detroit and Philadelphia, chanting “free the unicorns!”

Dec. 14: A new NBC-Wall Street Journal poll finds 30% of Americans “strongly agree” that unicorns are real.

Dec. 17: U.S. Sen. Ron Johnson, R-Oshkosh, alleges that Hunter Biden secretly hunted unicorns in the Ukraine. “Why do you think they named him Hunter?” asks Sen. Johnson, holding aloft a laptop computer.

Dec. 19: President Trump takes over the daily Unicorn Task Force briefings, proclaiming “I know more about unicorns than any scientist.”

Dec. 22: Zookeepers in Milwaukee and Phoenix report they have received phone calls from U.S. Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., berating them for hiding their unicorns.

Dec. 25: In a national Christmas address, the president tells American that Santa’s ninth reindeer was actually a unicorn.

Dec. 26: President Trump excoriates the fake news media for failing to report that Santa’s ninth reindeer was actually a unicorn.

Jan. 1: President Trump holds a rally on the White House lawn before thousands of followers, all wearing unicorn horns on their foreheads (but no masks).

Jan. 12: House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, R-Calif., 30 days into a government shutdown, attempts to introduce legislation replacing the American eagle with the American unicorn.

Jan. 20: Joe Biden is inaugurated as the 46th president of the United States — promises to unite the country.

Huiras, of Oshkosh, is a retired insurance executive and attorney.

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