Carrot Cake Oreos

Carrot Cake Oreos are a new permanent flavor from Nabisco, now in stores.

Carrot cake is the cruelest dessert.

How many times, as a kid, would I get excited at the news that there would be cake for dessert, at grandma’s house or at a restaurant, only to discover that it was “carrot cake?”

Cruel. It’s like telling your co-workers that you left doughnuts in the break room, leaving them to discover for themselves that they’re broccoli doughnuts.

And yes, I know that carrot cake actually tastes pretty good. It’s the cream cheese icing that carries a lot of the flavor, and we all know it.

Second, it’s an abomination of the English language to put “carrot” next to “cake” and call it a food. Do any kids seriously ask for carrot cake for their birthday dessert? If they do, maybe they’re the smart ones, because they’ve learned early to adjust to a life with lowered expectations.

For those who have talked themselves into liking carrot cake, the new Carrot Cake Oreos ($2.99) hit shelves last week, including at your local Target store. One would think that that’s a little early for what is assumed to be an Easter-themed flavor (because bunnies eat carrots, you see).

But Nabisco says Carrot Cake Oreos are a permanent flavor, along with another new flavor, Dark Chocolate Oreos. There’s a third flavor, the Valentine’s Day-themed “Love Oreos,” with pink icing, although that’s limited-edition.

Dark Chocolate Oreos are every bit as fantastic as you think they’re going to be. The chocolate icing is even darker than than the chocolate wafers, and has that rich, almost savory flavor that dark chocolate lovers crave. Plus, dark chocolate is really healthy for you, right? Prevents heart disease or something? Anyway, I’m going to eat a lot of these.

On to the Carrot Cake Oreos. The cream cheese icing is very tasty and has an authentic flavor.

The wafer of the cookie, however, is neither the golden Oreo nor the chocolate Oreo that we’ve come to expect. Instead, it’s a light brown cookie that Nabisco insists captures the essence of carrot cake.

Guys, I couldn’t taste it. It had a slightly spicy cinnamon-nutmeg flavor, but that’s it. If you had told me this was a Gingerbread Oreo, I would believe you.

In a way, I was bummed. If you’re going to make a Carrot Cake Oreo, make it taste like carrot cake, for better or for worse.

Even though I don’t like carrot cake unless it’s the only dessert available (and even then, begrudgingly), I felt let down by the Carrot Cake Oreo.

If you’re going to do it, do it. This should be our New Year’s resolution in 2019, whether it’s empowering our lives or empowering our cookies.

Rob Thomas is the features editor and social media editor for the Capital Times, as well as its film critic. He joined the Cap Times in 1999 and has written about movies, music, food and books.