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DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend for
two years. He is 10 years older, in his mid-40s. He is
wonderful, kind, smart, and treats me well. There is
only one issue: He still lives with his ex-girlfriend
from 10 years ago.
She and I do not get along. She infringes on my
time with him -- has him run her errands, drive her
around, etc. when I am at his (their) house. He also
ends calls with me at night to talk with her, and his
texts abruptly stop. Later I’ll find out she was in his
bedroom talking/venting to him about her current
boyfriend or some other subject.
She recently put in an offer to buy a house that
was accepted. After she moves out of the house they
are renting, he plans to remain there and would like

me to move in with him. Here’s the catch: He says
he will be going over to her (new) house to mow the
lawn, rake leaves, take care of her car, etc. He says
he runs these errands for her because she pays him.
I have told him how much it bothers me. I feel he
is placing her above me. Am I crazy for being upset
DEAR SECOND BEST: You’re not crazy.
Unless your boyfriend is hard up for money, it
appears there may be more to his relationship
with his ex-girlfriend than he has revealed to
you. If he was disconnected from her emotionally
-- and possibly sexually -- he wouldn’t cut
your conversations short or hide the fact that
he is texting you. Unless he rearranges his
priorities, you should not only not move in with
him, you should find a boyfriend with whom
YOU’RE No. 1.
DEAR ABBY: My wife, “Riley,” and I got married
three months ago. I’m a corporate pilot and have
been for most of our two-year relationship. Now
she’s telling me if I don’t quit my dream job, she will
leave me.
I signed a year-long contract with this company,
so it will cost me well over $10,000 to get out of it
early. She hates my schedule, even though I work
only about 11 days a month. Riley thinks I have to
be home every night, even though I warned her that

because of my career, I would be gone a lot of nights.
She knew what she was getting into, yet she’s trying
to force me into giving up this dream job or lose her.
Please help. -- TORN IN THE SOUTH
DEAR TORN: Riley knew you were a pilot
when she married you. You explained to her
what that meant. That she would threaten
to leave you because she doesn’t like the
responsibilities your career carries with it is
immature and controlling.
If she was serious when she made the
ultimatum, I think you should take her up on it.
And before you marry anyone else, be sure the
woman is independent. Then have premarital
counseling to ensure something like this
doesn’t happen again.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also
known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her
mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles,
CA 90069.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better
conversationalist and a more sociable person, order
“How to Be Popular.” Send your name and mailing
address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S.
funds) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box
447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and
handling are included in the price.)


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