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DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 10 years
and have two children. One of them is a toddler.
I recently found out that my husband has
been recording me with his phone at various
times without my consent when we have heated
arguments. He claims he does it to protect himself
in the event that I try to have him arrested.
Abby, there is no abuse in our marriage, and I
have never threatened to call the police on him. I’m
hurt and paranoid now. I don’t even want to be in
my own home. He claims to have deleted the files,
but I don’t trust him. Any advice would be helpful.
DEAR HURT: If I ever heard of a couple
needing marriage counseling, it is you two.
The recording won’t show what started the

argument or what came after it, both of which
are important. Please ask your doctor or
health care provider for a referral to a licensed
marital and family therapist. Go alone if your
husband won’t go with you.
It appears your husband is playing mind
games with you. And I’m also concerned about
how this volatility is affecting your children.
If something isn’t done about it, it will destroy
your marriage.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 23-year-old man living in
Texas. I am a college graduate and on my own now.
My parents are very caring, but my father has an
unhealthy obsession with me.
He messages me multiple times a day. It never
stops. I’m currently looking for teaching jobs, and
he tries to intervene by looking for them for me.
He’s like a wasp that will not go away, and it is
making me very uncomfortable. Even though I am
an adult, he tries to tell me what to do and how to
do it. I am so confused; please help me. -- LETTING
DEAR LETTING GO: Keep in mind that
your father means well. He doesn’t understand
you are now an adult and don’t need his
interventions. Have a talk with both of your
parents about this. Tell them your father’s
constant messaging is making you extremely
uncomfortable. Ask him to please stop and
warn them both that if he doesn’t, you will be
forced to block his communication and keep
your distance from him.

DEAR ABBY: My best girlfriend for 40 years
broke up with me because, after she told me she
and her husband were having marital problems, I
told her the last time we two couples were using
their hot tub, her hubby was stroking my leg
with his foot. I know I ruined everything, but I
thought she should know. Did I do the right thing?
I have written long letters of apology, but she has
completely shut me out. -- TELLING THE TRUTH
DEAR TELLING: You did nothing wrong by
telling your longtime friend. The fault that
the friendship is over doesn’t lie with you. She
is probably embarrassed, or her husband lied
and told her what he did was harmless.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also
known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by
her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby
at or P.O. Box 69440, Los
Angeles, CA 90069.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is
in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With
It.” To order, send your name and mailing address,
plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to:
Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount
Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are
included in the price.)
1130 Walnut, Kansas City, MO 64106;


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