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©2014 Universal Press Syndicate


DEAR ABBY: My husband died in 2001. There is
a man I have been seeing for 17 years I’ll call Jack.
He has a home in Georgia. I live in Pennsylvania,
where I share a home with my grown son and my
daughter, her husband and my 6-year-old grandson.
Jack has now retired and wants me to move
down to Georgia with him. I have a mortgage on
my home, which I pay. My kids cannot afford that
payment, although they do contribute a little every
month to live there. I can’t just quit my job and go
to Georgia and look for a job. I need to have one
before I go down there.
Well, I finally landed a job there, but sadly, they
don’t offer benefits, which worries me. My other
issue is, I am very close to my grandson. I’ll be 12
hours away, so besides video-chatting, I won’t get
to see him or interact with him.

Anytime I have gone to Georgia for a week and
returned home, my grandson was very emotional. I
am scared that if I go to Georgia and the boy doesn’t
do well with the situation, I will be stuck down
there. Visiting home will be almost impossible as I
only get one week’s vacation with this new job, and
I can’t just jump in the car on a weekend because I
would be driving the whole weekend and not have
any time to spend with my family.
I am torn between going and not going. I honestly
don’t know what to do. I am just so scared. What
would you do? -- TORN BY LOVE
DEAR TORN: The ideal solution would be
for Jack to move where you are so you can keep
your job and benefits and pay the mortgage
on your home. Your adult children are not
financially independent, and your grandson
is not emotionally resilient enough to adjust
to your absence. I do not think you are in a
position to go anywhere until these issues are
DEAR ABBY: When ordering food at different
ethnic restaurants here in the U.S., should people
always speak in English, even if they are learning
the language of the country the food is from? For
instance, if you go to a Mexican restaurant and hear
waiters speaking Spanish, and you are learning
Spanish but are by no means fluent, is it polite to
try and order in Spanish, or is it considered rude?
My worry is that they will assume I think
they don’t know English and that I’m being
condescending, especially if they respond with
something I don’t understand in the same language
that I was just trying to speak. Should a person

always ask, “Can I practice my French (or any
language you’re trying to practice)?” or should one
save it for international travel, private language
lessons or another time? What do you think is
proper in this situation? -- LOST IN TRANSLATION
DEAR LOST: I printed something on this
subject three years ago (Sept. 5, 2016). It
is worth going back into my archive and
To avoid any misunderstandings or hurt
feelings, assume the server speaks English.
If you wish to practice your second language,
tell the person you are trying to sharpen your
language skills, ask if the person would mind
your doing that and ask to be corrected if you
make a mistake.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also
known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by
her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby
at or P.O. Box 69440, Los
Angeles, CA 90069.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite
recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes”
and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send
your name and mailing address, plus check or
money order for $16 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby,
Cookbooklet Set, and P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris,
IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included
in the price.)
1130 Walnut, Kansas City, MO 64106;


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