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which will mean I’ll have to deal with this person on
some level. How? -- THROWN IN NEW YORK

by
ABIGAIL VAN BUREN
©2014 Universal Press Syndicate

MOM OF FOUR LEAVES
LONGTIME BOYFRIEND
TO DATE A TEENAGER
DEAR ABBY: I’m the mom of a 31-year-old daughter
who recently broke up with her longtime boyfriend so
she can be with a 17-year-old kid. I probably wouldn’t be
upset if she didn’t have sons who are 15, 14, 12 and a
daughter, 10, who considered the man she broke up with
their dad. Her new love is only two years older than her
oldest. I am having a hard time accepting this and so are
my grandkids.
I haven’t talked to my daughter about her choice
because I know she’s an adult and the bottom line is
it isn’t really my business. I do worry about how much
confusion this causes the kids.
I don’t know if I can accept this new “man” in her life.
To tell you the truth, I want nothing to do with him. I
want to continue seeing my grandchildren, though,

DEAR THROWN: Here’s how. Be a lady. You have
a right to express your opinion privately, but when
you see him, be cordial and do not make apparent
how much you disapprove of the relationship. If you
alienate him, you will lose. The result will be that
you see less of him, your daughter will be upset
with you and you will see less of your grandkids.
DEAR ABBY: I’m getting married soon, and I want to
invite a colleague I have known for years. My colleague
is gay and married. My fiance, “Ted,” is from a large,
very traditional family. When I suggested inviting my
co-worker and his husband, Ted expressed concern,
stating that members of his family might feel alienated
and uncomfortable.
I love Ted dearly, and I love his family. But I feel like
I will be shutting out a friend by not inviting him and his
spouse. Should I explain the situation to my colleague or
leave it alone? Is it possible to reach a compromise that
will make everyone happy? -- LOVING BRIDE IN TEXAS
DEAR BRIDE: I think you should do what makes
YOU happy. The problem with trying to please
everyone is that it isn’t possible. Unless you want
Ted’s family deciding who your friendships should
include in the future, tell Ted this person is your
friend and you do not want him and his husband to
feel hurt by being excluded. Ted’s family will adjust,

which is what gracious guests are supposed to do.
DEAR ABBY: My son is in his mid-20s, and I would
love to spend time with him. The problem is, every time
he has come to my home he has stolen things from me
and pawned them. I know this to be a fact.
I confronted him about it two years ago. I told him
I love him very much but can no longer trust him in
my home. He didn’t deny the thefts, but since then, he
won’t take my calls or respond on social media or to text
messages. What’s a dad to do or not do? -- FAILING IN
FLORIDA
DEAR FAILING: Your son may be ashamed to
face you after what he has done. All you can do is
continue to reach out, tell him you love him and
pray that he finally decides to stop hiding from you
and possibly from himself. You have my sympathy,
but you cannot force this.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also
known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her
mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at
www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles,
CA 90069.
To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable
-- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays,
send your name and mailing address, plus check or
money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers
Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447.
Shipping and handling are included in the price.

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