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He doesn’t care who’s around. He broke his computer
recently, and I have refused to allow him on mine, so he is
angry at me for that too.

by
ABIGAIL VAN BUREN
©2014 Universal Press Syndicate

MAN’S SERIOUS
HEALTH ISSUES DOMINATE
40-YEAR MARRIAGE
DEAR ABBY: I married my husband 40 years ago. A
few years later, he was diagnosed with diabetes. He
refused to take care of himself and ended up with double
leg amputations 13 years ago. He had prosthetics but
wouldn’t use them. I stood by him and was his advocate,
but he blamed me!
He has major health issues now, but I’m not too
concerned. According to him, it’s “none of my business.”
Family doesn’t care because he doesn’t care. My daughter
blames me, but she doesn’t bother to have much contact
with her father.
I have had enough of trying to help a man who doesn’t
want help. This is a loveless marriage and has been for
years. He’s also addicted to computer porn. He stays
at a computer for hours, even when people are around.

For most of our marriage I have worked outside the
home. I still do. I would rather be out of the house than
here with a husband who doesn’t care if I’m around or
not. Please advise me what I can do. -- REACHED THE
LIMIT
DEAR REACHED: What you can do depends upon
what you WANT to do. There must be a reason why
you have remained in this loveless marriage as long
as you have.
Since you asked, I do have a word of advice. Help
your husband to get another computer. If you do,
it may lessen some of the hostility that is ruling
your household. He will be occupied, and you can do
whatever you need to do to keep yourself sane.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are dealing with a
terminal health condition, and many folks have offered
to help, particularly in the area of providing meals,
which we really appreciate. Recently, a family from our
church brought us over a meal that included a nice entree,
dessert, bread and breakfast pastries, all homemade. We
enjoyed the entree, but quickly lost our appetites after
opening the dessert to find a hair of unknown origin in
it. We were, unfortunately, unable to enjoy the rest of the
food because of this.
My dilemma is how to handle this with the family. I’m
sure we will see them at church, and they have already
reached out asking when they can bring us another meal.

I don’t want to embarrass anyone, but neither do I think
I can consume another one from them.
For what it’s worth, we have someone who comes in
weekly who prepares meals for us (whom we pay). This
has been a huge help because it alleviates the time and
effort required to shop, cook and clean up for most of the
work week because I work full time as well as care for my
husband. How can I tactfully decline this family’s kind
offers without coming right out and saying why we don’t
want their food? -- GROSSED OUT IN THE WEST
DEAR GROSSED OUT: It should not embarrass
those nice people if you thank them for offering
to send you more food, and tell them you no longer
need food because you have hired someone who
comes in and cooks for you. It’s short, sweet and it’s
the truth.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known
as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother,
Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.
com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For everything you need to know about wedding
planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send
your name and mailing address, plus check or money
order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet,
P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and
handling are included in the price.)
COPYRIGHT
SYNDICATION

2020

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MCMEEL

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