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DEAR ABBY: I divorced my wife 20 years ago, leaving
behind two daughters. My older girl was 5 when I left, and
due to my ex’s lies, I wasn’t able to see them.
When my older daughter turned 18, she contacted me.
She confessed that she had been forced to lie in court,
and we reconnected. At 19, she came to me pregnant. She
asked if I would take her baby and asked that I tell no one,
especially her mother. I agreed.
Last year, my daughter died in a car wreck. My
granddaughter will turn 4. Should I go against my
daughter’s wishes, tell my ex and risk her taking her? Or
should I let things remain as they are? My current wife and
I are the only people who know. -- SECRET IN VIRGINIA
DEAR SECRET: I urge you to discuss this
matter with a lawyer because there may be legal
ramifications. Your former wife has demonstrated

she is the kind of person who would force a child to
lie in a custody matter. Having done it once, she’s
capable of doing something equally underhanded.
I am trying hard to come up with a reason why
you should go against your daughter’s wishes and
disclose this to your ex, and I cannot think of a
single one.
DEAR ABBY: I’m concerned about my daughter.
She’s 12 and wants to hang out with a 21-year-old male
volunteer from her school. His mother works there, and
I’ve known their family for a few years, although we’ve
never socialized.
Recently, my daughter said she wants to meet him at a
park to learn some skateboard moves. She tries to tell me
it’s harmless, that he just likes the skateboarding sport,
but I am uncomfortable about the age difference and the
fact that he works at her school. I don’t know what to
do. What’s your advice in this situation? -- STUMPED IN
DEAR STUMPED: Although the young man’s
motives may be pure, I do not think your daughter
should be meeting him at the park without
supervision. Accompany her so you can gauge
the situation. Because he is volunteering at her
school, you should first check to see if that kind of
fraternization is allowed because it may not be, and
it could cost him his position.
DEAR ABBY: Am I awful because I don’t sympathize
when people put their business on the internet? For
example, I read some comments on YouTube, and this
woman was talking about how “all men cheat.” I told

her maybe it’s just all the men she opens her legs to. My
account was suspended for a week because of it.
Another time, a man was talking about how none of
his many kids talk to him. I asked what he had done to
them that none of them speak to him, and he got mad.
Abby, I’m not looking for trouble. I feel that if you can’t
take someone not kissing up to you, stop putting your
business out there. Am I wrong? -- STRAIGHTFORWARD
traits were handed out, it appears someone forgot to
give you a filter. I agree that some people overshare
online and doing it comes with a risk. However, your
comments weren’t helpful; in fact, they were cruel.
When a bee stings, its prey tries to swat it away, and
that’s what’s happening to you. To avoid trouble,
curb your impulse to comment, or be prepared to
deal with the consequences that are sure to follow.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known
as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O.
Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
To order “How to Write Letters for All Occasions,” send
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